I am writing to draw your attention to the matter regarding the awful layout of our office. There are numerous points that incredibly disappoint me.
First of all, I want to complain noisiness of our office. Every piece of our office equipment produces loud sounds which resemble the sounds of intercourse of wild animals. This makes it impossible to concentrate on work and drives some people crazy by the end of the shift.
Secondly, it looks like the ventilation system is out of work, as it is enormously hot in the office quarters and an unpleasant smell of sweat is spread all over the area, making our office distantly remind a locker-room of our local gym. Due to the absence of windows, which is another problem, our workers cannot come up with the way to let fresh air in, which makes the problem even more awful.
To make things worse, the location of our office seems to be quite inconvenient.
We’ve got “Taco-Bell”-like gastronomic institution which is specializing in the preparation of quite spicy fast food type products literally behind the wall. Such location is the reason of two problems. To begin with, the smell is just terrible. When they just started working here, I thought that at least a homeless person died in the ventilation, or even the entire working staff of several rival companies. Secondly, due to the lack of institutions, at least remotely resembling a cafeteria or a coffee shop within a radius of two kilometers, most of our staff are forced to eat on their hostile Muslim land. And since most of the staff are not Muslims, but Catholics, their heretic bodies, according to our Israeli colleagues, “do not accept their taco-gifts” worth seventeen bucks each.
The other problems that torment my mind are the backwardness of our office equipment and the mental retardation of the System Administrator. Firstly, our LaserJet printer made our accountant blind, and her landline phone is emitting gamma rays. The only thing our System Administrator managed to say was “your printer is retarded” and “sounds fun” when we brought the Geiger counter to the phone.
This is not to mention the situation with the shredder on the corporate party and the toastmaster shouting "Shake your hands". We still have blood splatters on the walls and ceiling, so I advise you to take into consideration calling for cleaning services.
We might begin with restoring our office from being a place of being a hazardous place. Firstly, we should do something about our ventilation system. Then we can fire our System Administrator and hire someone who is not your relative. After that, we should manage to destroy and dispose of remains of our office equipment. And finally we should do something about our friendly neighbors.
To sum up, it’s hard to say that our office has that many problems, but it is a matter of high importance to manage to solve them as soon as possible.
Thank you in advance.