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Ó íàñ áîëåå 100 000 ìàòåðèàëîâ âîñïîëüçóéòåñü ïîèñêîì! Âàì ïîâåç¸ò!

Some people think that only those who earn a lot of money can be happy (Ñî÷èíåíèÿ ÅÃÝ àíãëèéñêèé ÿçûê)

0 èç 14
Îöåíêà ýêñïåðòà âíèçó

There is no doubt that money is a very important thing in our world. Some people believe that only those who have it can love their life. Whereas, others state that only money plays main role on in human`s live.

In my opinion, not only rich people can be happy. Firstly, they are always in danger because there is a big chance of robbery, abuse or even murder, that is why some of them suffer from paranoia and insomnia. Secondly, wealth people often are lonely and depressed. They never can be sure if their friends are real or want to get only their money.

However, there is another point of view. Some people claim that high salary is the only way to perfect life. They say that people with wallets full of notes can afford high quality service, exotic food and taking vacations when they want.

Anyway, all these kinds of luxury entertainment do not mean well-being in mental way and as more often these people feel loneliness and they just try to full up the emptiness in their lives with expensive cars, designed clothes and etc.

In addition, it is hard to impress wealthy people and find new interesting activities for them is harder and harder.

In conclusion, I would like to say that there are huge amount of things that more important than money. Also, every person should build his own happiness and being not really well-paid cannot depend on his treatment to life

Îáíîâëåíî:
Îïóáëèêîâàë(à):
Îöåíêà ýêñïåðòà:

Ê1 (ðåøåíèå êîììóíèêàòèâíîé çàäà÷è) – 0 áàëëîâ

1) Ââîäíûé àáçàö ñîäåðæèò ïðîòèâîðå÷èå, ïîñêîëüêó ïîçèöèè, ïðåäñòàâëåííûå àâòîðîì êàê ïðîòèâîïîëîæíûå, íà ñàìîì äåëå ñîâïàäàþò (only those who have it can love their life è only money plays main role on in human's live).

2) Êðîìå òîãî, â ïåðâîì àáçàöå íå ãîâîðèòñÿ ïðÿìî î âçàèìîñâÿçè äåíåã è ñ÷àñòüÿ. Âìåñòî ýòîãî àâòîð ïèøåò î çíà÷èìîñòè äåíåã (a very important thing), ëþáâè ê æèçíè (love their life) è ãëàâíîé ðîëè äåíåã â æèçíè (plays the main role). Íàêîíåö, íèãäå íå óïîìèíàåòñÿ òàêîé âàæíûé àñïåêò òåìû, êàê áîëüøîå êîëè÷åñòâî äåíåã (a lot of money). Ñëåäîâàòåëüíî, èìååò ìåñòî íåêîòîðûé óõîä îò òåìû ýññå.

3) Íåñîñòîÿòåëüíûì âèäèòñÿ îáîñíîâàíèå âûïóñêíèêîì ñâîåé ïîçèöèè âî âòîðîì àáçàöå. Àâòîð ïåðå÷èñëÿåò íå ïðè÷èíû, ïî êîòîðûì íåáîãàòûå ëþäè ìîãóò áûòü ñ÷àñòëèâû, à ïðè÷èíû, ïî êîòîðûì áîãàòûå ëþäè ìîãóò áûòü íåñ÷àñòíû.

4)  òðåòüåì àáçàöå íå âïîëíå òî÷íî îáîçíà÷åíà ïðîòèâîïîëîæíàÿ ïîçèöèÿ – ïîíÿòèå ñ÷àñòëèâîé æèçíè ïîäìåíÿåòñÿ ïîíÿòèåì èäåàëüíîé/ñîâåðøåííîé æèçíè (perfect life). Ïîïûòêà âûïóñêíèêà ïðèâíåñòè ëåêñè÷åñêîå ðàçíîîáðàçèå â òåêñò ïîõâàëüíà, îäíàêî ðàáîòà ñ ñèíîíèìàìè – ýòî ñëîæíàÿ çàäà÷à, ïîäõîäèòü ê ðåøåíèþ êîòîðîé íóæíî ïðåäåëüíî îñòîðîæíî, ÷òîáû íå äîïóñòèòü ñìûñëîâûõ íåòî÷íîñòåé.

5)  îïðîâåðæåíèè ïðîòèâîïîëîæíîé ïîçèöèè àâòîð âíîâü îòòàëêèâàåòñÿ îò èäåè î òîì, ÷òî áîãàòûå ëþäè ÿêîáû èçíà÷àëüíî íåñ÷àñòíû. Ïðè ýòîì î äîñòóïíîñòè ñ÷àñòüÿ äëÿ ìåíåå îáåñïå÷åííûõ ñëî¸â íàñåëåíèÿ íå ãîâîðèòñÿ íè ñëîâà.

6) Âûâîä ñôîðìóëèðîâàí íåêîððåêòíî. Àâòîð ïèøåò î íåêèõ âåùàõ, áîëåå âàæíûõ, ÷åì äåíüãè, îäíàêî ýòà ìûñëü íå ðàçâèâàåòñÿ ïî õîäó ýññå è ôàêòè÷åñêè ïîÿâëÿåòñÿ ëèøü â çàêëþ÷åíèè, ïðèçâàííîì òîëüêî îáîáùàòü ñêàçàííîå ðàíåå. ßçûêîâûå îøèáêè â ïîñëåäíåì ïðåäëîæåíèè èñêàæàþò ëîãèêó ïîâåñòâîâàíèÿ, ÷òî åù¸ áîëüøå çàïóòûâàåò ÷èòàòåëÿ.

Òàêèì îáðàçîì, êîììóíèêàòèâíóþ çàäà÷ó ñ÷èòàòü ðåø¸ííîé, ê ñîæàëåíèþ, íåëüçÿ, ïîñêîëüêó â êàæäîì àáçàöå îáíàðóæèâàþòñÿ ñåðü¸çíûå ñìûñëîâûå óïóùåíèÿ, óâîäÿùèå àâòîðà îò òåìû.

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