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What is more important family or career (Ñî÷èíåíèÿ ÅÃÝ àíãëèéñêèé ÿçûê)

9 èç 14
Îöåíêà ýêñïåðòà âíèçó

Nowadays more and more people are eager to get a good education in order to make a successful career. Some people think that getting a high position at work should be the aim of every person while other people believe that having a happy family and enjoying your life is more important. I will consider both points of view.

In my opinion, career should come first and I will explain why. Firstly, if you are a top manager of a company, you probably earn a lot of money. That means that you can afford better standards of life. Moreover, your children will not be short of money in the future. Secondly, a successful career can provide a high social status. You will be in touch with famous and rich people, foreign businessmen.

Nevertheless, other people do not share this point of view.

They claim that, being concentrated on work, you will likely to see less of your family and kids. You will not take care of your family enough and bring up your children properly. Moreover, they believe that such a person will feel lonely because he will be surrounded with partners and colleagues only who cannot always be trusted.

I do not think they are right. It seems to me that a disciplined and wise person can combine a personal life with work. He will find time both for the family and himself and for work. That is why he will not feel lonely.

In conclusion, I would like to say that, having considered both points of view on this issue, I can surely claim that positive sides of the dilema outweigh the negative ones.

Îáíîâëåíî:
Îïóáëèêîâàë(à):
Îöåíêà ýêñïåðòà:

Ê1 (ðåøåíèå êîììóíèêàòèâíîé çàäà÷è) – 1 áàëë

1) Ïðåâûøåí äîïóñòèìûé îáú¸ì. Ïðîâåðÿåòñÿ òîëüêî ÷àñòü ýññå äî ïðåäëîæåíèÿ That is why he will not feel lonely âêëþ÷èòåëüíî. Âûâîä íå ïîïàäàåò â ïðîâåðÿåìóþ ÷àñòü.

2) Ìíåíèå àâòîðà íåîáõîäèìî ñôîðìóëèðîâàòü òî÷íåå è óêàçàòü, ÷òî êàðüåðà ñîïîñòàâëÿåòñÿ èìåííî ñ ñåìü¸é.

3) Äóìàåòñÿ, ÷òî â òðåòüåì àáçàöå àêöåíò íåîáõîäèìî ñäåëàòü íà ïðåèìóùåñòâàõ ñåìüè ïåðåä êàðüåðîé, à íå íà òîì, êàê ðàáîòà ìåøàåò çàíèìàòüñÿ ñåìåéíûìè äåëàìè è áûòü ñ÷àñòëèâûì.

4) Ñîîòâåòñòâåííî, â ïåðåñòðîåíèè íóæäàåòñÿ è ÷åòâ¸ðòûé àáçàö, ãäå ñëåäóåò îïðîâåðãàòü ïðåèìóùåñòâà ñåìüè, à íå ãîâîðèòü î âîçìîæíîñòè óñïåøíîãî ñîâìåùåíèÿ ñåìüè è êàðüåðû.

5) Ñëîâî kids íàðóøàåò íåéòðàëüíûé ñòèëü ñî÷èíåíèÿ.

Ê2 (îðãàíèçàöèÿ òåêñòà) – 2 áàëëà

1) Âî èçáåæàíèå ëîãè÷åñêîé íåóâÿçêè ñëåäóåò çàìåíèòü âî âòîðîì ïðåäëîæåíèè ïåðâîãî àáçàöà ñëîâîñî÷åòàíèå some people íà ìåñòîèìåíèå they.

2)  òðåòüåì æå àáçàöå ëó÷øå ñêàçàòü some people / a lot of people, à íå other people, ïîñêîëüêó èíà÷å ïîëó÷àåòñÿ, ÷òî àâòîð ïðîòèâîïîñòàâëÿåò ñåáÿ âñåì ëþäÿì îäíîâðåìåííî è ÿâëÿåòñÿ åäèíñòâåííûì, êòî ïðèäåðæèâàåòñÿ çàÿâëåííîé òî÷êè çðåíèÿ.

Ê3 (ëåêñèêà) – 3 áàëëà

Ëåêñè÷åñêèõ îøèáîê íå âûÿâëåíî.

Ê4 (ãðàììàòèêà) – 2 áàëëà

1) you will likely to see less – you will likely see less [×àñòèöà to â äàííîé êîíñòðóêöèè íå èñïîëüçóåòñÿ];

2) he will be surrounded – he or she will be surrounded / they will be surrounded [Íåîáõîäèìî èñïîëüçîâàòü íåéòðàëüíûå â ãåíäåðíîì îòíîøåíèè ìåñòîèìåíèÿ];

3) can combine a personal life with work – can combine personal life with work [Àðòèêëü íå íóæåí];

4) He will find time both for the family and himself and for work. That is why he will not feel lonely – He or she / They will find time both for the family and himself or herself / themselves and for work. That is why he or she / they will not feel lonely [Ñì. ïóíêò 2].

Ê5 (îðôîãðàôèÿ è ïóíêòóàöèÿ) – 1 áàëë

1) the aim of every person while other people – the aim of every person, while other people [Íóæíà çàïÿòàÿ];

2) and colleagues only who cannot always – and colleagues only, who cannot always [Íåîãðàíè÷èòåëüíîå ïðèäàòî÷íîå òðåáóåò ïîñòàíîâêè çàïÿòûõ].

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