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Playing sports is the best way to improve self-confidence (Ñî÷èíåíèÿ ÅÃÝ àíãëèéñêèé ÿçûê)

8 èç 14
Îöåíêà ýêñïåðòà âíèçó

Nowadays, most people claim that playing sports is the best way to ameliorate self-rating. However, other persons disagree with them and suggest that physical activity does not assist to improve self-assessment.

In my opinion, playing sports promotes to enhancement of self esteem. Firstly, due to success in sports you can overcome fears, doubts and diffidence. In this way you will become stronger and more confident. Secondly, your health improves if you play sports. When people are healthy and feel themselves perfectly, they can boost their self-confidence because they are happy.

There is an opposing opinion. Some people state that defeats and failures do not improve self esteem. On the contrary, it leads to self-distrust because unconfident people focus on their mistakes.

Secondly, they sure sport does not improve self-confidence and this problem only a skilled psychologist can solve.

Personally, I do not agree with the above opinion. I am convinced that it is false that person never makes mistakes. Skilled sports trainers help to conquer your fails and direct to success. Furthermore, I want disagree with my opponents because it is essential to combine classes with a psychologist and playing sports in order to develop self-assessment faster.

In conclusion, I believe that playing sports is the best way to boost self esteem. Due to sport you can love yourself and improve confidence.

Îáíîâëåíî:
Îïóáëèêîâàë(à):
Îöåíêà ýêñïåðòà:

Ê1–2 áàëëà

Îáúåì ñî÷èíåíèÿ ñòàíäàðòíûé, ñëîâ äîñòàòî÷íî. Çàãîëîâîê òåìû áëåñòÿùå ïåðåôðàçèðîâàí, òîëüêî ÿ áû óêàçàëà íà ïðîòèâîðå÷èâîñòü ýòèõ äâóõ òî÷åê çðåíèÿ, ÷òîáû îáîçíà÷èòü íå òîëüêî àêòóàëüíîñòü, à ïîòðåáíîñòü â ðàññóæäåíèè íà ýòó òåìó. Äàëåå óêàçàíû àðãóìåíòû â ïîëüçó ñâîåé òî÷êè çðåíèÿ, âî âòîðîì ïðèìåðå ìîæíî áûëî áû óêàçàòü íà òî, ÷òî ÷åëîâåê óëó÷øàåòñÿ âèçóàëüíî, à ýòî ãîðàçäî áûñòðåå óëó÷øàåò åãî ñàìîîöåíêó. Âîîáùå ïðèìåðû ÷óòü ïîäðîáíåå ñëåäóåò îïèñûâàòü, áîëåå êîíêðåòíî, ÷òîáû íå âîçíèêàëî âîïðîñîâ ïî ïîâîäó êîíêðåòèêè, à â ïîñëåäóþùåì è ëîãèêè.

Âî âòîðîì êîíòðàðãóìåíòå òîæå íå óêàçàíî, ïî÷åìó èìåííî ñïîðò íå óëó÷øàåò ñàìîîöåíêó:

«Secondly, they sure sport does not improve self-confidence and this problem only a skilled psychologist can solve», ÷òî çà «this problem only a skilled psychologist can solve»?

«I want disagree with my opponents because it is essential to combine classes with a psychologist and playing sports in order to develop self-assessment faster»

–ïî÷åìó ÷åëîâåêó íóæíî ðàáîòàòü ñ ïñèõîëîãîì è ïðè ýòîì çàíèìàòüñÿ ñïîðòîì, ÷òîáû ïîâûñèòü ñàìîîöåíêó? Îòâåòà íà ýòîò âîïðîñ òàêæå íåò, ðàíåå òàêàÿ òî÷êà çðåíèÿ íå óïîìèíàåòñÿ.

Ñ çàêëþ÷åíèåì âñå â ïîðÿäêå, òåìà îñîáî íå ïåðèôðàçèðîâàíà, íî çàòî ïîäêðåïëåíà îáîáùàþùèì êîììåíòàðèåì.

Ê2–2 áàëëà

Òåêñò ñòðóêòóðèðîâàí, ïîäåëåí íà àáçàöû, åñòü íåêîòîðûå îøèáêè â ëîãèêå. Äëÿ íà÷àëà åùå ðàç ïåðå÷èòàåì òåìó:

«Playing sports is the best way to improve self-confidence»–«Çàíèìàòüñÿ ñïîðòîì ýòî ëó÷øèé ñïîñîá óëó÷øèòü ñàìîîöåíêó».
 êîíòðàðãóìåíòå óæå âñòðå÷àåòñÿ êîíêðåòèêà áåç îáùåãî àñïåêòà: «Some people state that defeats and failures do not improve self esteem», åñëè íå óêàçûâàòü, ÷òî «defeats and failures»–ýòî âàæíûå è íåîòúåìëåìûå ÷àñòè ñïîðòà, âîçíèêíåò íàðóøåíèå ëîãè÷åñêîé ñâÿçè, ïîòîìó êàê äëÿ êîíòðàðãóìåíòà íåò «ïðåàìáóëû», ìûñëü îá óëó÷øåíèè ñàìîîöåíêè çà ñ÷åò «defeats and failures» çàÿâëåíî ðàíåå íå áûëî.

«I am convinced that it is false that person never makes mistakes»–ê ÷åìó ýòî âûñêàçûâàíèå? Êàêèì îáðàçîì îíî ñâÿçàíî ñ òåìîé ýññå? Çàòåì: «Skilled sports trainers help to conquer your fails and direct to success», âñå ýòî ïîíÿòíî, íî ìûñëü íå çàêîí÷åíà–êàêèì îáðàçîì ýòî ñîîòíîñèòñÿ ñ óëó÷øåíèåì ñàìîîöåíêè?

Ê3–2 áàëëà

«Personally, I do not agree»–òàâòîëîãèÿ, íóæíî òîëüêî åäèíîæäû óêàçàòü, ÷òî ìíåíèå ÿâëÿåòñÿ âàøèì, âû òàê ñ÷èòàåòå.

Íåïðàâèëüíîå èñïîëüçîâàíèå êîíñòðóêöèè: «to improve self-assessment»–ïðàâèëüíî «in improving».

Ê4–1 áàëë

Ãðàììàòèêà:

Ïðîïóùåíû àðòèêëè: «to enhancement»-«the», «à»–«that person».

Ëèøíåå èñïîëüçîâàíèå ïðåäëîãà: «to the enhancement»

Íåò äåôèñà: «self esteem», ïîâòîðÿþùàÿñÿ îøèáêà.

Ïðîïóùåíî ìåñòîèìåíèå, îòñóòñòâèå êîòîðîãî èñêàæàåò êîíñòðóêöèþ ïðåäëîæåíèÿ: «direct (you) to success».

Ïðîïóùåí ïðåäëîã «to»: «I want disagree with my».

Ê5–1 áàëë

Îðôîãðàôèÿ è ïóíêòóàöèÿ:

Ïðîïóùåíû çàïÿòûå ïîñëå «sports»: «in sports you can». Ïîñëå «doubts»: «doubts and diffidence». Ïîñëå «way»: «In this way you will».

Èòîãî: 8 áàëëîâ

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