I am doing a project on why young people in Zetland find it necessary to explore space, and as part of my project I have found some results of a relevant survey presented in a pie chart. In this essay I am going to analyze the survey data and express my opinion on the topic of the research. The survey was conducted among young people in Zetland.
According to the diagram, the most common response to the survey question "Why do you find it necessary to explore space?" is "To find life on other planets" opted for by 34% of young people in Zetland. The option of "To be able to travel to other planets" has the middle position in the pie chart with 22% of those polled, followed by "To discover the universe", accounting for 10%.
Notably, the figure for the option "To live on other planets" (31%) is 28% higher than "To use resources from other planets". This might be explained by the fact that overpopulation can be a real problem in the nearest future, and young people in Zetland concerned about it. As for resources from other planets, they are difficult to use.
There are many problems that one can face exploring space, and I have outlined one of them, which is lack of research funding. In order to solve this problem, countries should unite their budget or create a fundrassing committee. This will allow to collect enough money for examining outer space.
In conclusion, I am fully convinced that space exploration plays a crucial role because this field is rapidly developing nowadays and studying this area expands knowledge about the universe.
You have found some data on the subject — the results of a survey (see the pie chart below).
Comment on the survey data in the pie chart and give your opinion on the subject of the project.
The survey question: Why do you find it necessary to explore space?
To find life on other planets 34%
To live on other planets 31%
To be able to travel to other planets 22%
To discover the universe 10%
To ise resources from other planets 3%
Write 200 — 250 words.
Use the following plan:
— make an opening statement on the subject of the project;
— select and report 2—3 facts;
— make 1—2 comparisons where relevant and give your comments;
— outline a problem that one can face when using public transport and suggest a way of solving it;
— conclude by giving and explaining your opinion on the role of public transport in the modern world.
Желательно начать вступление с фразы общего плана об актуальности темы, а уже потом переходить к проекту.
The survey was conducted among young people in Zetland.
Повтор информации из первого предложения абзаца — можно убрать, особенно при объёме на верхней границе.
plays a crucial role
Не указано, в чём роль (in the modern world / in our lives); обоснование because this field is rapidly developing важность не объясняет.
Все пункты плана выполнены, данные и сравнение точны. Неточность в заключении: не указано, в чём роль освоения космоса, первое обоснование (быстро развивается) важность не объясняет. Объём 275 слов — ровно верхняя граница допустимого.
Абзац о проблеме начат без средства логической связи. Лучше: However, there are some problems...
Пять абзацев по плану, связки на месте. Одно нарушение: абзац о проблеме и решении начат без средства логической связи.
Устойчивое выражение: in the near future.
unite their budget
Сочетаемость: pool/combine their budgets (бюджеты — во множественном числе).
has the middle position
Привычнее: occupies the middle position / is in the middle of the chart.
opted for by 34% of young people in Zetland
Удачный оборот: разнообразит глаголы выбора.
Две лексические ошибки: in the nearest future (нужно in the near future), unite their budget (нужно pool/combine their budgets).
Пропущена связка: are concerned about it.
one can face exploring space
Нужен союз: can face when exploring space.
This will allow to collect enough money
После allow нужно дополнение: This will allow countries to collect... / This will make it possible to collect...
is 28% higher than
Точнее: is 28% higher than that for «To use resources from other planets».
Три негрубые ошибки: пропущена связка are (people concerned), пропущен союз when (face exploring space), allow без дополнения (allow to collect).
Опечатка: fundraising.
In this essay I am going to analyze
После вводного оборота In this essay желательна запятая.
Одна опечатка: fundrassing (правильно fundraising).