I am doing a project on the use of public transport in the capital of Zetland, and as part of my project I have found some results of a relevant survey presented in a pie chart. In this essay I am going to analyze the data and express my opinion on the topic of the research. The survey was conducted among Zetlanders.
According to the diagram, the most common response to the survey question "What kinds of public transport do you usually use?" is "Underground" opted for by 42% of Zetlanders. The option of "Electric train" has the middle position in the pie chart with 13% of those polled, following by "Tram", counted for 6%.
Notably, the figure for the option "Bus" (36%) is 33% higher than the one for "Taxi". This might be explained by the fact that bus routes have a set schedule and you do not have to wait if you know the time when the bus arrive. Besides, the bus ticket is cheap. As for taxi, although it is the most convenient way of transport, it is costly.
There are many problems that can arise with using public transport, and I have outlined one of them, which is lack of transport. In order to solve this problem, ones should describe the issue to local authorities, then they will provide money for the purchase of transport or suggest another solution to the problem.
In conclusion, I am fully convinced that public transport plays a crucial role in modern world as for many people it is the only way to get anywhere.
38.2 Imagine that you are doing a project on the use of public transport in the capital of Netland.
You have found some data on the subject — the results of a survey (see the pie chart below).
Comment on the survey data in the pie chart and give your opinion on the subject of the
project.
The survey question: What kind(s) of public transport do you usually use?
Electric train 13%
Underground 42%
Taxi 3%
Tram 6%
Bus 36%
Write 200 — 250 words.
Use the following plan:
— make an opening statement on the subject of the project;
— select and report 2—3 facts;
— make 1—2 comparisons where relevant and give your comments;
— outline a problem that one can face when using public transport and suggest a way
of solving it;
— conclude by giving and explaining your opinion on the role of public transport in
the modern world.
Bus=36%, Taxi=3% -> разрыв 33 процентных пункта (или в 12 раз), а не «на 33% выше». Замените на «12 times more popular than Taxi» / «33 percentage points higher than Taxi».
lack of transport
Расплывчатая формулировка проблемы для столицы Зетленда (нехватка маршрутов? транспортных средств?). Реалистичнее: overcrowding at peak hours, unreliable schedules.
ones should describe the issue to local authorities, then they will provide money for the purchase of transport
Решение через жалобу властям и автоматическую выдачу денег не выглядит реалистичным. Предложите конкретную системную меру (расширение сети, оптимизация расписания, выделенные полосы).
Все 5 пунктов плана задания раскрыты, объём 264 слова в норме. Минусы: расплывчато сформулирована проблема (lack of transport) и неубедительное решение (пожаловаться властям -> они дадут денег); математическая неточность в сравнении 33% higher (нужно 12 times higher или 33 percentage points higher, поскольку Bus=36%, Taxi=3%).
Четвёртый абзац начинается без подводящей связки. Лучше: «Apart from the convenience of the various modes, there are also some issues to consider.»
, then they will provide money
Связка then в этом контексте звучит как «они автоматически дадут денег». Естественнее «and they may provide» или новое предложение с условием.
Структура соответствует 5-пунктному плану, абзацы выделены чётко, основные связки на месте (According to, Notably, As for, In conclusion). Минусы: 4-й абзац начинается без подводящей связки к предыдущему; then как coordinator между независимыми клаузами не вполне корректен.
count for = «иметь вес/значение». В описании статистики — accounting for 6% / with 6%.
Одна лексическая неточность: counted for 6% вместо accounting for 6%. В остальном словарь точный и разнообразный, академический регистр выдержан.
Нужно followed by Tram (страдательный причастный оборот). Following by — несуществующая форма.
when the bus arrive
Подлежащее the bus — 3 л. ед.ч., глагол требует -s: when the bus arrives.
ones should describe
Обобщающее подлежащее — one should describe (без -s). Альтернативно: people should describe.
in modern world
Фиксированная коллокация: in the modern world (требуется определённый артикль).
4 негрубых ошибки: following by вместо followed by (participle form); the bus arrive вместо arrives (S-V agreement); ones should вместо one should (морфология обобщённого pronoun); in modern world вместо in the modern world (пропущен the с уникальным референтом).
Comma splice: between two independent clauses with separate subjects + then запятой соединить нельзя. Замените на точку: «...local authorities. Then they will provide...» или добавьте союз: «...and then they will provide...».
Одна пунктуационная ошибка: comma splice (..., then they will provide). Орфография чистая.